i finalli get a chance to blog online again...

have been so busy...everydae work from morning to late evening...very exhausting...i think it mux be some affillations...when i wanna blog...she smsed me...it is good sign!! =)

Hmm..but from next thurs onwards i can be able to come online everydae already...cox i end my attachment already!! So far everydae i this week i go to work..got nothing to do...and the worse thing is from 830 to 6pm i have to stayed in the office...and stare blankly into space for hours!!! jus sitting there to stone and slp...no internet at all!!! can u imagine it? i have no where to walk around..i cannot leave the office..i cannot use internet...i can do nothing with the comp! i am going mad...this is going on till next thurs(29th sept)!! man..i am dying of boredom...

wads the worse thing? after those boring hours at work..i have things on after that..like gym..leaders meeting etc...its realie tiring by the time i get home...i've made sotong angry..cox i never keep my promise..she view the blog 20times a dae...but the problem is i nva log online at all..making her so sad..sigh! i am in the wrong..

Now i have been facing alot alot of pressure...i am expected to play well in guitar soloing...how can i do it when no one teaching me more skills? so i actualie secretly went to yamaha to sign up...tml is my first lesson..but jux a sit in only..to see if i can catch up..sigh..nobody teach and they expect me to get better jus like this? man..i've got to do something about it...oh well...now everything crashes...tues nite is leaders meeting..and i have guitar oso..so crashes..but if i give up leaders meeting..they will sae why i like this one? but if i give up guitar..i cannot improve any further! hais..dilemma..why mus guitar fall in tues...there's no other daes? sigh! hate it..

i look cool..i look calm..but i am so pressured!! zhiwei is one problematic guy...he's offending more and more pple in church...last sundae even provoke winston...and winston got so heat up and refused zhiwei apology..zhiwei just keep saying to pple "Your problem larhs!"...no wonder pple cannot tahan him..we wanna help him..but he keep saying that...well...he needs the holy ghost's conviction...

Todae while in the office..i keep watching the CROSS dvd by city harvest church..in that worship session..they actualie showed the audience oso..everyone is so passionate and loving God so much...and the gals some i see is reealie pretty...then for a moment my mind just taught "where's mine"? sigh~...and now is holidaes...for break time..i went to renew my passport alone..after tat..i went walking around bugis alone..saw many many couples..got ugly ones got nice ones..but they are still couples after all...and i look at myself..i am alone...trying to fake that i dun feel lonely..but i realie feel lonely...i hate attachment..

I want to excel in guitar i realie want to...i keep pushing myself..watch dvds everydae...do finger exercise everydae...listening to worship songs everydae...hais...this is part of the stress...another part is i am getting sian of church..oways doing the same old stuff..this week my cg on sundae only got 3 pple including myself lor..wad the hell..is this a cg? suan le..thinking of it..numbers realie encourages me actualie..wad to do? have to act happie...tats jus me.. =/

i am already very depressed and sad...but i dun wan pple to think they are a burden or stress to me!! pple around me are very impt...and cannot afford to get out of my life cox i am already so lonely...how much longer can i hold if pple keep leaving my circle? sigh...

11:35 PM •