I went out and came back at around 12am. I haven't stay out so late since...?? seriously I don't know as well. Huiqing, Sherlyn, Marcus, Jeffrey, Kwuang Wei and I went to watch herbie at Woodlands Cathay cinema. It was air-ed weeks ago I guess and it was then that I got to watch it just now. Well, a nice show. Herbie is really cute and funny; really got a human-character. Amazing!~ After the show, Marc, Jeff and KW went to burger king to eat while the 3 of us went away to have a small chat. Actually we were also planning where to go next?! It was around 7 plus and I considered it early since it's holiday? So yea.. we carry on our night life. But, too bad Huiqing can't join us because the mum is rather strict. I know that if she can follow us, she'll be feeling much much better, at least for that quite some time. Jeff and Kw went back first..so does Huiqing. So, we took 960 all the way from causeway to esplanade. It was really a long journey; well still has to go pass my housing estate and then to the expressway. A long bus ride made me think alot again.. and I just can't help feeling sad once again. From Marina Square all the way to esplanade, it's all memories that I wouldn't forget. Marc, Sherlyn and I chatted along the riverside and then we just slacked there for about 1 hour or so? Desmond came to find Sherlyn right after his work. Same thing, he still brought food over for Sherlyn. So nice of him isn't it? The double chocolate cake from Rocky Master was great. Marc and I had a share for those nice delicacy Desmond brought for Sherlyn. After eating at esplanade, we took bus home. Well, I just felt I'm splitting them up? Sherlyn was staying over at Desmond's house(Bukit Panjang) and so we shared a common bus. But Sherlyn insisted that I should sit with her and Desmond was sitting behind us? I know he don't really mind but I just felt bad. Hymph` It was a scary walk from the bus stop to my house because it's nearly 12 and I have quite a distance to walk unlike the normal distance from that nearer bus stop. Well, it brought me to think back of that time when I was eating steamboat at Marina South with Terence & Cindy and guys and he was still messaging me asking whether he should pick me up at that late hour..and I said no because it was just too far for him..so ended up I took a cab home. Well, I still remembered that my handphone had gone flat and he asked me to take down the Taxi plate number just in case anything happens. Recalling this, it's the time we started not too long ago and it was really sweet of him. Things changed over time and it just broke my heart when I get to think of it.

Haven't I get use to my life now? Why am I always brooding over all these again and again? As time goes, I just realised that what I remembered are lots and lots; not just alil. I'm fretting over spilt milk which I really feel I shan't be doing so. He looks so fine so good now; perhaps already getting use to such life. Why can't I do the same thing? It will only be better if I can forsake the past and move on. God has greater plan for us..I know this and yet I can't prove this right. Why am I so inflexible in this case? I always say he's inflexible..Right now, I guess I am the one showing so much of that inflexibility. I'm one who can't let go when it's time to. I just find myself so stupid. Should this be an amusing fact that I can have a good laugh at myself? I guess so.

I'm totally disappointed in myself. When I'm already so devastated in what I see of him; I felt even more devastated seeing myself in this state. Despite knowing that he cares and loves me, I still think that all these gonna fade sooner of later. Perhaps now, he already finds that he can live without me. He can lead a normal life without me..and that I am just a memory to him. Just now, I accidentally sent a message to him wrongly. It was not supposed to be sent to him. But, I thought he would at least prompt me questions or whatsoever..I guess I am very wrong to put so much high hopes. Guess what? Right after he asked me about that wrong sent message, I was just so silly to keep looking at my handphone, hoping for a reply to ask about my well-being or whatsoever? I'm utterly wrong and foolish to think that he'll reply. Anyway, I just remembered that he had a guitar session with that FCBC guitarist at SPC. I guess he was very busy? and that no time for any messaging? Well, Silly Jose, just accept it. Forget about any smses. It's just aimless waiting. Stop all these crappy thoughts..it's useless...only adding sorrow to yourself...

I'm gonna tranquilize myself doing things everyday..from day to night. I don't want to fret over spilt milk. I'll just come home late everyday if I can.. I'll just hang around with all my friends. Anyway, this kind of life isn't unusual for me. For his sake, I gave up all my nightlife...and now..it's time to resume? I shan't care and just do what I want to distract myself from then on. Perhaps one day..I'll just be numbed about everything.. =( I'll not dwell in the past which brings lots of sorrow to myself.. Jose, What so bad about being who you are now? You are free to go out with whoever you want...no longer a restriction... You can just be a bad lady for just this once. No regrets about it.


Well, pictures coming up... I just can't believe that I can fake a smile so well... Every smile ain't from my heart all these while... =( I really miss the times...those times... well.. forget it.



Nice view isn't it? But too bad..my camera phone ain't that fantastic...

Marc & me.. Hymph` Just nothing to do...

me & sherlyn...hmm...romantic night with my jiemei.. is this so? >.<

It's me alone... really thanks all my good friends for being there for me... I'm not spending a night having wild thoughts *as much*...



Impish Princess signed off`

12:39 AM •