`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Friday, September 30, 2005
Sigh. Today is supposed to be a happy day. It turned out so bad, so terrible...
Deep in my heart, it is not just anger; but also heartbroken. In fact, anger has never been the priority..heartbroken always comes first. It is just my stubbornness creating havoc for the both of us. But, if he hasn't repeat doing certain things which always causes unhappiness within us, I wouldn't have a chance for my headstrong character to be manifested.
Although I'd already agreed to go out with him a few days back, it was yesterday then I was really convinced to be out with him. Yesterday was a very unhappy day for us... Actually, it should be very exciting and anxious but it just turned out the other way round. He smsed me to ask me what time to meet and stuffs.. but, in his mind, he already got a rough plan of what are we gonna do and the time for it so on and so forth. He said 5pm in the first place; thinking that I said 2pm was too early(He didn't read the message properly again..I am sure that I asked him what time is the movie). My "2pm" was referring to the movie time. Since he gave me 2pm and 4pm(movie..as I thought since this was what I was asking), I said 4pm? But, I'm fine with anything. So, when he told me 5pm, I just go so shocked. I'm thinking whether he typed wrongly. After that he told me that he thought I said 2pm too early, so he just tell me 5pm. And I asked why and wouldn't it be bored? cuz' we meet for just like 2 hours and then we go home?..this is too weird...as he's never wanted to go out so late with me; he wanted to go home early EVERYTIME. So it was then that he told me that "How come will be bored? I tot can have night life..haha.."(in exact). And then, he added "I tot no night life then you sad sad..oh well like this we catch the movie at 4 den? plaza sing or cine?" So, it was like I really thought he's willing to stay alil later for this one time with me.. and it was his idea.. isn't it? So the next message is "thinking about it..I think we meet in the afternoon? hmm... den latest we part at 8? can can?" So, what flared me up was because it was his idea and he got so fickle-minded??! Giving empty hopes?! By the way, all these while, because he can't stay up any later, I understand and so I always compromise to be back early... From my memory, he only sent me back home once;One and only time via bus.. I seriously missed it but I've never demanded that I want or what. So, of course when he gave me that idea that he wanna has night life with me, I was really happy.. All along, I am always a person who never likes to plan; but he does. There's one time when we came to talk it out and therefore, I compromise to make it such that before every outing, we'll just plan. Normally he does the planning, I just try to give some suggestions and agree to it. Well, this time, I am giving in for whatever decision or plan he had made??...but fickle-mindedness puts me off. It's really making me dread and lost. Worst thing has yet to come..which really upset me even more. The other day he promised to call me on thursday..I don't know what had been holding him back that he didn't call me and even sms me. Between 10pm to 10.45pm.. he was like going MIA. You know..whenever I smsed him at night, I got this fear and anxiety in me...cuz' he'll just knock out anytime. So, during that 45 minutes, I'm also feeling this..especially when we haven't settle everything properly. I called him; nobody pick up. Well, so as I assumed, he knock out already. In my mind, I can't help feeling that he's so unsincere about our meet-up. Well, but it turned out that a sms came..and it goes like this "meeting at somerset at 2pm..goodnight sweet dreams"... Well, is it just the time and venue that matters? even though I always leave it to him to plan?.. I don't even know what are we gonna do and watch where and stuff?! I got heat up because firstly, he broke his promise AGAIN.. That time, we had a talk and I already said that a lie is a lie be it intentionally or not. If you don't wanna lie, you don't promise or if you promise; you just inform that you couldn't realise your promise. He understands it as much as I know. But, now, he's back to that promise-breaker. Now, let us not talk about breaking promise, but things ain't settled properly. The one who prefers planning is him; now it's also him who did not make it well-planned. What is this?! I really don't know already. Totally lost and upset with him for the whole night.
And then, the worst came. Despite how unhappy I am, I still decided that I should go. I miss him and I really do. I know that he misses me just like I do as well. And the night before this, God spoke to me when I asked him to assure me again about this meet-up. This is what He said.. "Plan is often spoilt.. don't give up" So, I'm really convinced that I already decided that I'll go. The messages in the morning all the way to the afternoon are just prideful words of mine. So, I left my house at 1.15pm so that I can be there at 2pm. When I'm at the bus stop, he doesn't seem to be ready... and even ask me again what time and at where? still meeting? I know that he just left school. But, before that when he was still at that "briefing" in school, I already messaged him twice that I'll go. I don't know what's wrong with him, but still, I boarded the bus, thinking that he'll still make it at that venue but probably later. However, as our conversation got so dry all these while and it was then that he smsed me this while I was still in the bus(and already reaching in 10 minutes time).. "I think we don't meet ..Anyway I'm also on the way already..I think we the meeting also so spoilt..Lets meet another day.. Realie." Guess how I feel at that very moment? I was so sad to see this and I felt so helpless. I'm already reaching.. go home go home... from where?! I'm just so blank. This is my first time being treated like this... No guys or should I say girls as well have ever went out with me and back out last minute, leaving me alone at the venue. If it was backing out before I went off my house, I would have felt much much better. But, it was when I'm already reaching?! GoSh` I'm very helpless. If I really don't care, I wouldn't have agreed to go and meet him. But he messaged me this "I'm mentally so tired..Why can't you help me smoothen it? Haii.. I jus need more love from you.." Well, I seriously have nothing to say. All I have to say is I'm not a good girl friend. Now that our relationship is getting so complicated, how much more of love can I show and how should I go about to showing it? He told me that he's very vex about his school work and the team grouping for his final project I supposed...? Well, before attachment ends, the impression he gave me wasn't as such. He said that it'll be much carefree than attachment.. why and how does all these vex feelings came about? It seemed to me that his stress-free life will never come.. Alright, after attachment, he'll have the time to visit the blog more than 20 times?... Well, I shall see. This is a promise as mentioned in his entry. This is why I've raised my fear in that "draft" that this is a habit. If you can only do certain things when you're free.. I guess it'll just never come then. Habit~` Sigh. Well, he also told me that there'll be some church guys hanging around Town area today.. I guess this also added on pressure to him?! Well, to me, I am not at all afraid.. I don't know why. Of course, I too hope that we won't come across them. So, I said that if he's scared then we can go elsewhere. He told me that we'll discuss about it when we meet, and that's why.. that message of his really shocked me... I'm yearning to see him even how unhappy I was.. And, because of it, I cancelled the gyming with Rebecca, brought forward my tuition and also asked my mum not to cook my dinner. I was really prideful then..I know myself. I sent him a sms which I'll probably regret... which has a content that I'll not meet him again. As I was hanging around Orchard, and thinking alot alot as I was strolling, I really felt so helpless. As I see so many cars infront of me, I don't know how should I cross it...alone. So, I just have a thought, what if any of the car just hit me like that?! Well, I am safe and sound as proven when I'm blogging right now. And not only this, I felt so many eyes staring at me; those angmohs and guys. I just don't know what else can I do?! Sigh. After walking one big round around Orchard, I walked to Fareast Bus-stop to take my bus home. Afterall, it seems to me that I'm being very demanding and unreasonable again.. I hate the feeling of being a control freak when I don't want to.. Well, this time round, nobody is gonna console me telling me that I'm not being one. I guess the cold war between him and I will start again.
I hope that he's at home..not elsewhere. If he's really at elsewhere after we decided not to meet, I'll really be so heartbroken... Can I see no more empty promises or even such situations again? Why are we destroying our happy meet up ourselves? I guess the devils must be grinning at us..
I am so lost; so sad. What can I say after saying so much? Perhaps, I'm still a burden afterall.. (T_T)
Impish Princess signed off`
Deep in my heart, it is not just anger; but also heartbroken. In fact, anger has never been the priority..heartbroken always comes first. It is just my stubbornness creating havoc for the both of us. But, if he hasn't repeat doing certain things which always causes unhappiness within us, I wouldn't have a chance for my headstrong character to be manifested.
Although I'd already agreed to go out with him a few days back, it was yesterday then I was really convinced to be out with him. Yesterday was a very unhappy day for us... Actually, it should be very exciting and anxious but it just turned out the other way round. He smsed me to ask me what time to meet and stuffs.. but, in his mind, he already got a rough plan of what are we gonna do and the time for it so on and so forth. He said 5pm in the first place; thinking that I said 2pm was too early(He didn't read the message properly again..I am sure that I asked him what time is the movie). My "2pm" was referring to the movie time. Since he gave me 2pm and 4pm(movie..as I thought since this was what I was asking), I said 4pm? But, I'm fine with anything. So, when he told me 5pm, I just go so shocked. I'm thinking whether he typed wrongly. After that he told me that he thought I said 2pm too early, so he just tell me 5pm. And I asked why and wouldn't it be bored? cuz' we meet for just like 2 hours and then we go home?..this is too weird...as he's never wanted to go out so late with me; he wanted to go home early EVERYTIME. So it was then that he told me that "How come will be bored? I tot can have night life..haha.."(in exact). And then, he added "I tot no night life then you sad sad..oh well like this we catch the movie at 4 den? plaza sing or cine?" So, it was like I really thought he's willing to stay alil later for this one time with me.. and it was his idea.. isn't it? So the next message is "thinking about it..I think we meet in the afternoon? hmm... den latest we part at 8? can can?" So, what flared me up was because it was his idea and he got so fickle-minded??! Giving empty hopes?! By the way, all these while, because he can't stay up any later, I understand and so I always compromise to be back early... From my memory, he only sent me back home once;One and only time via bus.. I seriously missed it but I've never demanded that I want or what. So, of course when he gave me that idea that he wanna has night life with me, I was really happy.. All along, I am always a person who never likes to plan; but he does. There's one time when we came to talk it out and therefore, I compromise to make it such that before every outing, we'll just plan. Normally he does the planning, I just try to give some suggestions and agree to it. Well, this time, I am giving in for whatever decision or plan he had made??...but fickle-mindedness puts me off. It's really making me dread and lost. Worst thing has yet to come..which really upset me even more. The other day he promised to call me on thursday..I don't know what had been holding him back that he didn't call me and even sms me. Between 10pm to 10.45pm.. he was like going MIA. You know..whenever I smsed him at night, I got this fear and anxiety in me...cuz' he'll just knock out anytime. So, during that 45 minutes, I'm also feeling this..especially when we haven't settle everything properly. I called him; nobody pick up. Well, so as I assumed, he knock out already. In my mind, I can't help feeling that he's so unsincere about our meet-up. Well, but it turned out that a sms came..and it goes like this "meeting at somerset at 2pm..goodnight sweet dreams"... Well, is it just the time and venue that matters? even though I always leave it to him to plan?.. I don't even know what are we gonna do and watch where and stuff?! I got heat up because firstly, he broke his promise AGAIN.. That time, we had a talk and I already said that a lie is a lie be it intentionally or not. If you don't wanna lie, you don't promise or if you promise; you just inform that you couldn't realise your promise. He understands it as much as I know. But, now, he's back to that promise-breaker. Now, let us not talk about breaking promise, but things ain't settled properly. The one who prefers planning is him; now it's also him who did not make it well-planned. What is this?! I really don't know already. Totally lost and upset with him for the whole night.
And then, the worst came. Despite how unhappy I am, I still decided that I should go. I miss him and I really do. I know that he misses me just like I do as well. And the night before this, God spoke to me when I asked him to assure me again about this meet-up. This is what He said.. "Plan is often spoilt.. don't give up" So, I'm really convinced that I already decided that I'll go. The messages in the morning all the way to the afternoon are just prideful words of mine. So, I left my house at 1.15pm so that I can be there at 2pm. When I'm at the bus stop, he doesn't seem to be ready... and even ask me again what time and at where? still meeting? I know that he just left school. But, before that when he was still at that "briefing" in school, I already messaged him twice that I'll go. I don't know what's wrong with him, but still, I boarded the bus, thinking that he'll still make it at that venue but probably later. However, as our conversation got so dry all these while and it was then that he smsed me this while I was still in the bus(and already reaching in 10 minutes time).. "I think we don't meet ..Anyway I'm also on the way already..I think we the meeting also so spoilt..Lets meet another day.. Realie." Guess how I feel at that very moment? I was so sad to see this and I felt so helpless. I'm already reaching.. go home go home... from where?! I'm just so blank. This is my first time being treated like this... No guys or should I say girls as well have ever went out with me and back out last minute, leaving me alone at the venue. If it was backing out before I went off my house, I would have felt much much better. But, it was when I'm already reaching?! GoSh` I'm very helpless. If I really don't care, I wouldn't have agreed to go and meet him. But he messaged me this "I'm mentally so tired..Why can't you help me smoothen it? Haii.. I jus need more love from you.." Well, I seriously have nothing to say. All I have to say is I'm not a good girl friend. Now that our relationship is getting so complicated, how much more of love can I show and how should I go about to showing it? He told me that he's very vex about his school work and the team grouping for his final project I supposed...? Well, before attachment ends, the impression he gave me wasn't as such. He said that it'll be much carefree than attachment.. why and how does all these vex feelings came about? It seemed to me that his stress-free life will never come.. Alright, after attachment, he'll have the time to visit the blog more than 20 times?... Well, I shall see. This is a promise as mentioned in his entry. This is why I've raised my fear in that "draft" that this is a habit. If you can only do certain things when you're free.. I guess it'll just never come then. Habit~` Sigh. Well, he also told me that there'll be some church guys hanging around Town area today.. I guess this also added on pressure to him?! Well, to me, I am not at all afraid.. I don't know why. Of course, I too hope that we won't come across them. So, I said that if he's scared then we can go elsewhere. He told me that we'll discuss about it when we meet, and that's why.. that message of his really shocked me... I'm yearning to see him even how unhappy I was.. And, because of it, I cancelled the gyming with Rebecca, brought forward my tuition and also asked my mum not to cook my dinner. I was really prideful then..I know myself. I sent him a sms which I'll probably regret... which has a content that I'll not meet him again. As I was hanging around Orchard, and thinking alot alot as I was strolling, I really felt so helpless. As I see so many cars infront of me, I don't know how should I cross it...alone. So, I just have a thought, what if any of the car just hit me like that?! Well, I am safe and sound as proven when I'm blogging right now. And not only this, I felt so many eyes staring at me; those angmohs and guys. I just don't know what else can I do?! Sigh. After walking one big round around Orchard, I walked to Fareast Bus-stop to take my bus home. Afterall, it seems to me that I'm being very demanding and unreasonable again.. I hate the feeling of being a control freak when I don't want to.. Well, this time round, nobody is gonna console me telling me that I'm not being one. I guess the cold war between him and I will start again.
I hope that he's at home..not elsewhere. If he's really at elsewhere after we decided not to meet, I'll really be so heartbroken... Can I see no more empty promises or even such situations again? Why are we destroying our happy meet up ourselves? I guess the devils must be grinning at us..
I am so lost; so sad. What can I say after saying so much? Perhaps, I'm still a burden afterall.. (T_T)
Impish Princess signed off`