Sotong..there are so many things i realie wanna sae but i jux dunno how to sae..i'll just paragraph all my thoughts down and i hope this will bond us back together again.

Remember the times where you told me i must know my scripts beri well then you'll come back to blog? remember u told me no need to log in to see the gmail tat dae but i still logged in and discovered its all ya sweetie pictures there? all these may seemed small to you..but i realie realie realie did make the efforts to go and log online to go check the gmail on ya pictures and to go and run through your script codes to see how can i bring it back to the original so tat u can blog back here again..cox i realie wan u to blog back here..its meaningless fer me to blog here if ure not gonna blog here..you know my pattern..i come home at night...dinner..bathe..and will knock out early..but still i didn't knock out tat early that nite becox i realie wan to see wad u have fer me in gmail as well i realie wan you to blog back here...all these efforts..though small..but i made it.. =(

About last friday's thingy, the nite before i admitted that i am aware that on fridae itself at 10am plus..the guys are meeting to go sentosa..but i also hesitated...i jus told them okie...because deep down in my heart..i realie wan to fellowship with them too..and also u noe i love getting myself tanned..i dun like being so white..tats why i jus said a yes temporally..but at the same time..as planned days ago..i noe i've already planned to go out with you on fridae as well..but the nite before the way u reply me was like..you kanna forced to go out like tat..sigh..u noe something? when i type sms..i jus type down wad i am thinking at that moment..(like i toking to you something face to face..then i may change my mind to tok about another thing)..its the same i apply to sms...wad is in my mind i straight away write it down and send..

i know i should have gave great thought about it before sms you back the reply..but i am now explaining on why i seemed so fickle-minded to you..so i hope you get it already? sigh..now for fridae thingy itself..i went out with a sian sian heart...i went to sch...sat in the lecture hall..then they call us to move to another non-air-con lecture hall for further briefing..and you know i am those type who will get agitated when there is no air con..sigh..and during that point of time we were smsing and argueing already..but yet..i had to put up with the hotness...and also concentrate on replying you fast..and oso i need to listen to the briefing..cox its final year project..where it is real life projects to be done..and i am so worried its because..we are required to form a group of 5 pple to finish this final year project..

and i am worried because i dun wanna end up in a group that always "bo zuo gang"..never do work...cox i had that experience for 2 years..and it was realie tough to handle all the projects alone lor..so to further tell u about my class..

There's this 3 guys, oways stick together one..alvin, kelvin and trewin.. so naturally they will wanna be together... then there's another 3 guys..they are ME, wilson and junxiong.. naturally the 3 of us will be together wan.. so means we'll have 6 pple if we formed!! the other guys in my class are all slackers and bad tempers and dun do work wan..beri hard to contact one..nobody wants to form group with them!! so the lecturer also said le..try to form 5 pple per group..but my group heck..we still form 6 pple..but the risk is that..one of us will be taken out lor if all the other groups oso form 6 pple per group, which oso means that some pple will not have any group(the loners)...then if a case like this realie happen, the teacher will remove one person from the groups that have 6 pple to join the loners to form a group..which i dun wan it to happen to me!! you get wad is my agony and my worry and my fear tat dae? i am so afraid i would be the person that will be taken out and end up joining the loners..then my grades surely screwed up and there goes my future...you see my worry now?

Hais...i jus keep praying and praying that only our group will be able to go through as 6 pple lor..and that there will be no body being left out..hais..i am so worried..meanwhile i am still beri beri worried about the grouping thingy..hais!! and guess wad..after forming the group and everything..it is already 130pm...and when i look out..it was raining..so naturally i said to myself "Since raining..then i think i dun wanna go sentosa liaoz"..so my thoughts are to meet you only.. but deep in my heart..i still keep worrying that they will kick me out of the group so that they will be safe and untouched and will not be removed(cox have 5pple marhs)..hais!! so i left the sch and took a train down..in my mind was..have to submit our project proposals and group names by 7 oct(this coming fridae)..and this week everydae should be having mission trip trainings..how to meet my sch group fer discussions? they will surely kick me if i always dun attend their meetings..but on the other hand...it is compulsory to attend both mission trip trainings and the discussions that my grp is gonna hold..can u see the pressure i am having now?

On the train i have already decided to go out with you already, not sentosa, but remember that out arguements were so heated up? and you obviously sms stuffs like "I am not happy, but i still come, i dunnno if i reach there le i will show you faces anot"...you see..when you sae all these kind of stuffs..obviously it discourages me..when i reach red hill mrt station..winston called me to ask me where was i? so i said i just left sch(to bluff winston)..then he ask me whether i am coming to sentosa anot...and immediately i was confused...at this point..i was thinking that both you and me are so unhappy..our meeting wun be a happie one..it was already spoilt even before we've met..but on the other hand..the guys are there..they can cheer me up and make me forget my unhappies and worries about my sch final year project grouping stuff. Even if got no sun..i rather go there..cox i realie need someone to cheer me up..and not continue to be sad fer the rest of the daes..u can see how much i have gone thru in the short minutes?

Thats why at that moment. i lied to you that i was going home..but in my heart..and upon seeing the smses you sent me...i noe that when we meet...it would be a mini cold war which i dun wan to see..i dun wan an outing where we walk side by side and not toking..u noe? but i noe i made u even more mad when u already gonna reach the place already and have pushed away so many things to meet me..i noe all these..but i find i rather the pain of you going back home is better than when we meet up we show each other faces..that's how i realie felt..i never meant to lie to you seriously..

And after that..you replied me "not going to meet me anymore"..upon seeing that message.. totally spoilt my whole dae..but i decided not to reply you cox i noe you're so angry..if we continue toking..the matter could be worse...so i tot if we both take 2 daes or more to cool down..before we start toking again..but i never knew you would thinking that i am gonna dismiss you which was never once on my mind at all...i think its all miscommunications..all our arguements happened in sms, if u realised, and it realie leads to so much misunderstandings.

Well, other than all these..i tot i would realie be free after attachments..but i was wrong..i am so occupied by guitar and mission trip preparation. For mission trip, i had to take time off to go and renew my passport(cox guys have to) and need to go around begging for money to pay fer my trip. For guitar.. i am so pressured into playing my best for worship that i have two teachers to teach me guitar every sun after service, mondae nights and tues nights. And i kanna scolded by angela because i skipped leaders meeting because of guitar thingy..but she does not see my pressure!!

For this week..todae is mondae...i have mission trip training at church of singapore(COS) at 7pm..but i have to leave early at 8pm cox i have to rush all the way to sembawang for guitar lesson at 830pm..consider carrying all my guitar stuff..and rushing here and there i am frustrated enough..lesson is 1.5hours so will end at 10pm tonight..i guess when i come home i'll be dead beat..this teacher, lebbeus, stays at sembawang..read on below..

For tues, the teacher saes he trying to push the lessons forward to afternoons so that at nite i can go fer my mission trip trainings at the west side!! my this teacher, kelvin, stays at old airport road, at the east side of singapore..so i need to travel from his house.. all the way to COS in the west with all my guitar stuffs again..rushing here and there..damn!!! if he cannot change his timing...means i have to skip mission trip training for tuesday!! Also for tues at 12pm to 2pm..i have to meet my Final year project(FYP) group fer discussion at QUEENSTOWN!!!! so far lor...have to carry guitar stuff around oso....sian!! its like travel here and there is so taxing..

For wed..i have worship team practise..and till now they have not send to me the songs yet and expecting me to be able to play by wed!! wad the hell?!?! they think i am guitar God...oh pls..i need time to listen to the song and practise it oso right?! hais..then if mission trip training crashes with our timing for practise, means we have to to pon the practise and to go fer the training!! if never crash..means i've to carry guitar stuffs around again den go for training..its not LIGHT lor!! hais..

For thurs, so far nothing on..and i realie hope i can realie take a break on this dae and rest at home..i am so worned out..if wed not jamming..means surely either thurs or fridae jamming wan lor..sians!! hope nothing falls on this dae...*tired*!!

For fridae...its my deadline submission for my FYP group to submit our project proposals and grouping names lor!! hais..and if got jamming..i oso dunno will crash anot..sian! then fridae i should be going with kiat, xiang, liangjie, freddie to go and cut hair cox mission trip must cut hair..sigh!! cut short sumore!! and oso have meeting for "GET ALIVE" event cox i am commitee member..hais..have to plan an event to attract hundred plus pple..in charge of publicity and programmes..i have to go and print cards and stuffs..have to help to design the cards professionally!!

For sat..its YF again...have to reach church at 1130 as usual to set up and will most prob end everything by 9pm aagain...drained!!! as usual have to carry heavy guitar stuff!!

For sundae...have to reach church at 845am for evangelism training..which means i have to wake up at 6am!! sian!! so tired lor!! hais!! pastor tiak is MAD!! means that from 845 all the way to 6pm will be in church..cox teeaching guitar after service..and as usual will have guitar lessons at old airport road there agains...running here and there with my guitar stuffs!! so tired!!

3:35 PM •