Peek-a-Boo.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Is there anything called the "Post Menstrual Stage"? We often call it "PMS" and normally it's defined as "Pre-Menstrual Stage"... However, I'm wondering if there're any post effects. I realised that I don't really have any much mood swings during the pre but post. Or..is it just a coincidence that bad things always happen during my post menstrual period? Whatever it is, I believe that I don't get angry without any reason.. or rather I don't get vexed up without any reasons behind. Often, there'll just be irritating people to irritate me or maybe it'll just be that my closest partner who doesn't know me very well to make me happy fair enough. Whatever~ I just wanna vent it all out here. Perhaps after a good sleep tonight, everything will be alright tomorrow. Or maybe, I'm just gonna continue throwing tantrums because I don't wanna give in for I'm just that prideful when it comes to this kind of matter.

I just dislike people to open a conversation and end it abruptly if without a good reason. Or maybe, any people can do that just not him. Just say I'm biased if you want. Girls are just that complicated species who don't even know why and what are they doing when it comes to matters of the heart towards their love ones. Well, take it or leave it. However tired you are, can't you just hang on for a few more smses before you end it? It's just stupid of you to send me a message and then to end it in the next mesage, am I right? Well, before I can even read the irritating end-off message, I've to wait for 45minutes or an hour or so for it? Is this frustrating? Or am I just being very unreasonably demanding to ask for an "extremely" good messaging services from my love ones? Well, I guess in my dictionary, this is not even the "passing rate", let alone the "distinction" services you're giving.. Anyway, I have already accepted this flaw of yours, but once in a while, I'll just get flared up because of this kind of attitude when you're messaging me. Reason being may be because: 1st, I haven't been really happy with you for quite a long period of time and it's all stacked up. 2nd, I'm just in a foul mood, too dread to think on your part and to submit totally to this flaw of yours just in time. 3rd, I feel consistently insecure about everything you do. Alright, time being, this are the 3 reasons I can think of at this point of juncture.

I just hope that things improve more and more each time after another. Things did improve, but the feeling of you being nice to me "totally" ain't really there. Because I feel your fear, I can't seem to be secure fully as well. Your fear & panic which shows so clearly these days: meeting anybody out there who will leak out our relationship to the leaders. All these while, I've been fearing just as much as you do. But now, yours is overwhelming over mine. Instead of feeling safe and sound, I just feel very out of place. The unintentional boundary you set between us caused unhappiness in us. However, I already agree to work with you so as to prevent very bad things from happening again, and so I don't have much say in it anyway. I feel helpless about your fear. But, I can't help feeling really bad for this on and off tension every now and then. Especially when you don't know me well enough to really show me what you can while you can.. Instead of misinterpreting me for whatever behaviour I'm in(be it quiet or noisy), I just hope that you can bring me up in whatever situation we're in. Even if we're in for it for a whole lot of mess, we're going through it together, isn't it? Well, of course, I ain't hinting that we should just set ourselves free(not taking precautions) and wait for bad things to arrive then. But, for the least, we shouldn't be making things nasty in us in the midst of "beware". Well, I sound quite "chim" over here. I just don't wanna be very direct because directness does bring forth negative stuffs as well. You catch it, good for you. If you don't, well then that's too bad. I just want you to know that I'm already losing alot of things what a girl ought to have in a relationship, but obviously I don't mind. I just need alil more attention once in a while. I just need you to be more sensitive once in a while that'll do. I just need you to understand more than expected because it's required. Sometimes, even when you're drained and tired, you just need to give a thought to everything you're about to say or do. Certain things don't add on happiness, then just save it. Or certain things do prevent tension, then why not do alil more than what is expected of you. It's about self-sacrificial act of love in a courtship/relationship. Right until marriage, this is it still. I know you always say you're still learning. Well, I just hope to see yieldful harvest in the end.

Hymph` I hope I feel better after so much of "nagging". If not, I'm really a stress add-on to both you and I. In any case, I just wanna see what's supposed to be there always there..ALWAYS. It's easy to satisfy a girl; it's also easy to turn her world upside down. If I were you, I would choose the 1st one because when you're trying your best to satisfy to her needs, it's hard for you to turn her world upside down in the midst of doing that. Actions prove louder than words. Words will be your all time bonus, you can keep using it but it'll eventually become worthless if actions ain't behind every word you say. Actions + Words work together to achieve the best best best ever result! Ain't I like a philosopher? Hymph` Whatever it is, I feel much better. If he's doing it all for me, I'll be the most blissful lady on this earth, at least that's what I feel. =X

darling Jose signed off`