`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Sunday, January 29, 2006
My lunar new year is done with? for 2006.. cuz' normally we all just gathered at my mum's side grandma's house to celebrate. Within a day, I'll get all my angbaos from all the relatives.
Well, as for all of my dad's side people, they are in Surabaya. And it's been years that we had never went back to visit the people over there already.. Both gong gong & po po are no longer around anyways.. Once in a while, all my aunties and uncles will travel to Singapore to visit us. My cousin from Surabaya is here to pursue studies and also she was married here one or two years ago. My dad's side people are really so rich..All living in Bungalow that kinda house. I still remember how I used to run up and down the stairs at my xiao gu(aunt)'s bungalow when I was young. Reflecting upon things now, if my dad hadn't loan a great amount of money to my uncle(2nd aunt's husband) many years ago, my family will probably be some wealthy family right now, at least better than now I supposed. Till now, THE FAMILY didn't pay a single cent back to us. I am not trying to be rich, I just want these money for my studies in future?! goSh` Sometimes I just wish my dad is still around(even though he was damn strict according to what I know) cuz' at least we'll all have a better life somehow. At least he is one of the buisness men in a car's company(as far as I know) and yea.. I just missed those times when we can travel around via his car(NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT). Isn't that good?
Oh well, at least now is not that bad lahs. I still have an uncle to drive me around. I'm not missing my dad, cuz' afterall he was gone when I was still pretty young(around K1 or K2?) and so it doesn't impact me alot. But, all the times when we were hanging around the church in Surabaya and the different family trips we had all over Singapore are lil lil memories that I still sort of remember "not so clearly". I wonder if I'll die of asthma one day as well even though it's improving over the years..it's almost gone I guess? Asthma attack..I didn't know it was that powerful until I recalled my dad's incident.
Anyways, I just don't like people to look at us with that kind of "pitying" eyes. I mean this kinda thing is getting common.. And, we're still normal people like any of them out there. Besides, it's been so many years until it's hard to even feel something for it. It's like for example, certain people will go trying to avoid talking about daddy because they scare I'll feel bad or something. The thing is, what's wrong with talking about it? The delibrate intention to avoid such topic makes me feel more "wad". Even if he's no longer here, but I can still share what I remembered. But, hahas, I must say I really don't remember much. So, yea.. I just feel they don't have to give me this kind of over-sensitivity. This is why I really dislike to tell people about my family's background. But when I tried to hide all these facts, I feel bad. I know that it can't be kept in the dark for long. One day, they'll know somehow. The greatest relief is that sotong and his parents knew about it and it's really a burden off me. At least, I really mustered my courage to tell sotong's mum that time when she asked about it in the car. I did not hide or whatsoever. I must say I feel quite comfortable even after saying because she don't give me that kind of "look" I don't wish to see.
Why am I talking about my dad suddenly? I feel so proud of him as a person. He's so smart and everything. A degree holder I supposed? I really wonder how my mum and dad can live under one roof for so long.. My mum is more to the chinese speaking side, while my dad is more to the english speaking side. And, my dad is more to christianity while my mum is still a buddhism I supposed? I can imagine the level of trust and tolerance and understanding in this marriage is super duper high. It's something I really wish to learn from. It's something I'm so proud of. It's something I think I've yet to master in relationship. The thing which kept me wondering is.. my dad as a christian had never intervened into my mum's belief because he respected her. But, it also implies that he wasn't a very committed christian, was he? Right now as a christian for me, whenever I see the idolatory figure at my house, I just feel so "wad". yea, I don't know how to explain. I just scare this figure and luckily there wasn't any chanting background at home. If not, I would be attacked by satan so easily. I would be freaked off so easily even if I know God is with me. Yeah, now my aim for the family is that.. all of them will convert to christians and all the idolatory figures will be gone gone gone! praise God that today my sis and I talked about christianity, church and stuffs. She is quite keen to visit church. My perception of bringing her to church is not the right time IS UTTERLY WRONG. Maybe it's not the right time for her to convert, but it's definitely a good stepping stone. After her, it'll be much easier to convince my mum to accept christ. My mum did want to visit church with me and she did visit before. However, I guess it really takes more time for her to really understand God; Jesus; Holy Spirit is the one and only God in this universe. I just hope to see my family's salvation soon! But right now, I really need to settle down in my church properly. I feel I've yet to settle down really properly. It's getting better and better, but it's like..I need more time. I need God to make things right for me.. for church stuffs, sotong & I, studies, family's salvation and stuffs.. However, I really need a partner like sotong to motivate me with his love and stability in this relationship so that I can start working towards all the Godly stuffs together with him. He ain't my everything; God is, but he needs to be involved in my life as from now. We are working towards our future; a picture which we visualized it'll happen. The power of Visualization is great(Pastor Kong said)! Everything needs to be stable in our relationship, so that even if we have to separate, we have the faith in one another.. we won't give up each other.. and it'll only be fair if we wait in SECURITY. Sotong, am I right?
I know that there are many things which we still have to know about each other. Seriously, even though I claim that I know you alot, there're simple lil things which I just found out I still don't know about you. For e.g your favourite dishes, fruits and stuffs. And for you, I know that I haven't share about my family stuffs with you alot.. This entry will definitely provide a better understanding for you. And, it will take me more courage to tell the people out there.. one more thing. I think I just don't know how to say it now. Well, slowly I guess.. Slowly when we are moving into that stage in relationship, I'm sure everything will be made known to you.
I guess that's all for now. I know it's a long entry. But I guess something just inspires me to write it. And, after writing this entry, I hope I'll be able to make use of my own experience to write my storytelling's story. I'm really upset by it because this is not the only assignment which I haven't done well. Last semester was also up and down for me, but I seemed to do much better. This semester.. what's going on? Satan, don't bring me down! I'll claim the power to excel from God through faith! God, have Your way in me. Let my studies to be of a glory to You. Let my everything be. Amen.
Sigh. Dear, thanks for trying so hard for me.. I know that if you continue to maintain what you're giving to me now, we'll work out fine.. By then, what's a no status relationship to us? It's just nothing because we already feel so close to heart to one another.. I'm sure we don't need a status to prove that we love one another. But, right now.. we need to work towards it. We need the basic foundation to make everything so right even when everything is so wrong. You get what I mean? At least, we both need to know that our wait is not an aimless and futile wait even if we have to hold back this relationship some time later..
Miss you.
signed off
Well, as for all of my dad's side people, they are in Surabaya. And it's been years that we had never went back to visit the people over there already.. Both gong gong & po po are no longer around anyways.. Once in a while, all my aunties and uncles will travel to Singapore to visit us. My cousin from Surabaya is here to pursue studies and also she was married here one or two years ago. My dad's side people are really so rich..All living in Bungalow that kinda house. I still remember how I used to run up and down the stairs at my xiao gu(aunt)'s bungalow when I was young. Reflecting upon things now, if my dad hadn't loan a great amount of money to my uncle(2nd aunt's husband) many years ago, my family will probably be some wealthy family right now, at least better than now I supposed. Till now, THE FAMILY didn't pay a single cent back to us. I am not trying to be rich, I just want these money for my studies in future?! goSh` Sometimes I just wish my dad is still around(even though he was damn strict according to what I know) cuz' at least we'll all have a better life somehow. At least he is one of the buisness men in a car's company(as far as I know) and yea.. I just missed those times when we can travel around via his car(NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT). Isn't that good?
Oh well, at least now is not that bad lahs. I still have an uncle to drive me around. I'm not missing my dad, cuz' afterall he was gone when I was still pretty young(around K1 or K2?) and so it doesn't impact me alot. But, all the times when we were hanging around the church in Surabaya and the different family trips we had all over Singapore are lil lil memories that I still sort of remember "not so clearly". I wonder if I'll die of asthma one day as well even though it's improving over the years..it's almost gone I guess? Asthma attack..I didn't know it was that powerful until I recalled my dad's incident.
Anyways, I just don't like people to look at us with that kind of "pitying" eyes. I mean this kinda thing is getting common.. And, we're still normal people like any of them out there. Besides, it's been so many years until it's hard to even feel something for it. It's like for example, certain people will go trying to avoid talking about daddy because they scare I'll feel bad or something. The thing is, what's wrong with talking about it? The delibrate intention to avoid such topic makes me feel more "wad". Even if he's no longer here, but I can still share what I remembered. But, hahas, I must say I really don't remember much. So, yea.. I just feel they don't have to give me this kind of over-sensitivity. This is why I really dislike to tell people about my family's background. But when I tried to hide all these facts, I feel bad. I know that it can't be kept in the dark for long. One day, they'll know somehow. The greatest relief is that sotong and his parents knew about it and it's really a burden off me. At least, I really mustered my courage to tell sotong's mum that time when she asked about it in the car. I did not hide or whatsoever. I must say I feel quite comfortable even after saying because she don't give me that kind of "look" I don't wish to see.
Why am I talking about my dad suddenly? I feel so proud of him as a person. He's so smart and everything. A degree holder I supposed? I really wonder how my mum and dad can live under one roof for so long.. My mum is more to the chinese speaking side, while my dad is more to the english speaking side. And, my dad is more to christianity while my mum is still a buddhism I supposed? I can imagine the level of trust and tolerance and understanding in this marriage is super duper high. It's something I really wish to learn from. It's something I'm so proud of. It's something I think I've yet to master in relationship. The thing which kept me wondering is.. my dad as a christian had never intervened into my mum's belief because he respected her. But, it also implies that he wasn't a very committed christian, was he? Right now as a christian for me, whenever I see the idolatory figure at my house, I just feel so "wad". yea, I don't know how to explain. I just scare this figure and luckily there wasn't any chanting background at home. If not, I would be attacked by satan so easily. I would be freaked off so easily even if I know God is with me. Yeah, now my aim for the family is that.. all of them will convert to christians and all the idolatory figures will be gone gone gone! praise God that today my sis and I talked about christianity, church and stuffs. She is quite keen to visit church. My perception of bringing her to church is not the right time IS UTTERLY WRONG. Maybe it's not the right time for her to convert, but it's definitely a good stepping stone. After her, it'll be much easier to convince my mum to accept christ. My mum did want to visit church with me and she did visit before. However, I guess it really takes more time for her to really understand God; Jesus; Holy Spirit is the one and only God in this universe. I just hope to see my family's salvation soon! But right now, I really need to settle down in my church properly. I feel I've yet to settle down really properly. It's getting better and better, but it's like..I need more time. I need God to make things right for me.. for church stuffs, sotong & I, studies, family's salvation and stuffs.. However, I really need a partner like sotong to motivate me with his love and stability in this relationship so that I can start working towards all the Godly stuffs together with him. He ain't my everything; God is, but he needs to be involved in my life as from now. We are working towards our future; a picture which we visualized it'll happen. The power of Visualization is great(Pastor Kong said)! Everything needs to be stable in our relationship, so that even if we have to separate, we have the faith in one another.. we won't give up each other.. and it'll only be fair if we wait in SECURITY. Sotong, am I right?
I know that there are many things which we still have to know about each other. Seriously, even though I claim that I know you alot, there're simple lil things which I just found out I still don't know about you. For e.g your favourite dishes, fruits and stuffs. And for you, I know that I haven't share about my family stuffs with you alot.. This entry will definitely provide a better understanding for you. And, it will take me more courage to tell the people out there.. one more thing. I think I just don't know how to say it now. Well, slowly I guess.. Slowly when we are moving into that stage in relationship, I'm sure everything will be made known to you.
I guess that's all for now. I know it's a long entry. But I guess something just inspires me to write it. And, after writing this entry, I hope I'll be able to make use of my own experience to write my storytelling's story. I'm really upset by it because this is not the only assignment which I haven't done well. Last semester was also up and down for me, but I seemed to do much better. This semester.. what's going on? Satan, don't bring me down! I'll claim the power to excel from God through faith! God, have Your way in me. Let my studies to be of a glory to You. Let my everything be. Amen.
Sigh. Dear, thanks for trying so hard for me.. I know that if you continue to maintain what you're giving to me now, we'll work out fine.. By then, what's a no status relationship to us? It's just nothing because we already feel so close to heart to one another.. I'm sure we don't need a status to prove that we love one another. But, right now.. we need to work towards it. We need the basic foundation to make everything so right even when everything is so wrong. You get what I mean? At least, we both need to know that our wait is not an aimless and futile wait even if we have to hold back this relationship some time later..
Miss you.
signed off