`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Friday, January 20, 2006
Why am I feeling rather down out of a sudden? Dear asked me but I don't know.. Perhaps moodswing? Perhaps PMS? Perhaps..I just feel bad cuz' of something.
Somebody told me she looks like "chun chun" in love concierge. Now I feel myself like "ruyi" in it. It's really quite unacceptable for a woman to undergo a transition of cold & warm affection from the guy she loves. This kind of situation is easy to withstand temporary(given that we're thinking there're probably underlying reasons behind), for long term I doubt so. It's pretty tiring isn't it? I feel very much for "ruyi".. Obviously she don't deserve such treatment but sometimes it cannot be helped either. Of course, "Jie kuan" don't wish things to end up in such state as well. So, is it that women are too demanding? OR guys are just very bad in expressing love in the right way? I feel I'm alil demanding sometimes. He is already so nice to me(isn't it? =X I don't know). What more can I still ask for? But, I feel so insecure at times. Like "ruyi".. how will you be able to feel secure if the guy is here only whenever he likes? Can't he be always there? Sigh..for the least..Can't it even progress until very stable first ? before allowing the next transition(cold) to happen?... What's cold? It doesn't mean an argument or whatsoever..It just means stop showing affection. It's hard to break the ice in situation as such.. It takes two hands to clap. Numbness is the feeling I wish I'll have.. if this is to continue..
So what if we know they love us? It's not enough. Love needs to be expressed. For a fact, Love is not just about saying. But I realised.. it's also getting lesser that he even bothers to express it verbally. I thought there's a time to it according to what he said..but the time never seems to come. "It's gonna be special soon" He said. When is that 'special time" coming? Sigh. Not even my birthday is the special time. I really wonder.. when will it be then? Sigh.
Everytime a call is made by me to him, I don't feel happy when I'm supposed to be in joy to call someone I love. Everytime I put in hopes again and again even when I got the feeling it's gonna be the same. Everytime it really is still the same. The call don't end well. It's so one-sided. And I really can't help feeling so hurt in my heart after ending the call(sort of like hanging up phone).. But, I don't know why I have to torture myself to make an effort to call him time after time.. Perhaps missing him is the motivation. But it won't be of too long that this motivation will cease to make me call him again if I don't have a special motivation from him..that he really feels so happy to hear my voice..really wants this talk so much..really cherish even it's just a 5 minutes talk. All I receive is that kind of atmosphere whereby I feel he's hinting "I wanna sleep I wanna sleep.. hang up soon hang up soon.." It's like this voice is telling me within my heart when he don't actually verbally said it. Perhaps he don't feel bad.. but I do. I'm the giver.. it don't feel good when I give and it's like not appreciated. Oh well, I just hope I can be an all time taker to only take but not give as from now.. It sucks to be giving and giving and nobody gives a damn about it.
Unfortunately, I'm such a princess which only seems to demand more and more things.. You're just unlucky to have me being like this. But I think I'm also unfortunate having to tolerate all these unacceptable stuffs for this long.. Don't you think so? Sigh. I just feel really bad. It's like back to the same thing... Don't tell give me things like "I'll try to arrange" as an excuse anymore. I know I'll accept thing as it is.. but just don't remind me anymore. I hate these words coming without a sincere heart to even try to the maximum..seriously, I don't see it, feel it, sense it so much like you REALLY TRY SO HARD. I accept doesn't mean I agree.. I accept and tolerate your behaviour; it doesn't mean I have to take everything you do as a right thing.. And accepting a thing don't last for long if I don't really agree to it.. Unless you make me convinced, I'll never be able to give you all the time that you want to really do your so-called "try".. hais.
I feel I try harder than you do.. Isn't it? I can't wait; I'm so impatient already.. Cuz' you're testing my limit knowingly or unknowingly..
signed off`
Somebody told me she looks like "chun chun" in love concierge. Now I feel myself like "ruyi" in it. It's really quite unacceptable for a woman to undergo a transition of cold & warm affection from the guy she loves. This kind of situation is easy to withstand temporary(given that we're thinking there're probably underlying reasons behind), for long term I doubt so. It's pretty tiring isn't it? I feel very much for "ruyi".. Obviously she don't deserve such treatment but sometimes it cannot be helped either. Of course, "Jie kuan" don't wish things to end up in such state as well. So, is it that women are too demanding? OR guys are just very bad in expressing love in the right way? I feel I'm alil demanding sometimes. He is already so nice to me(isn't it? =X I don't know). What more can I still ask for? But, I feel so insecure at times. Like "ruyi".. how will you be able to feel secure if the guy is here only whenever he likes? Can't he be always there? Sigh..for the least..Can't it even progress until very stable first ? before allowing the next transition(cold) to happen?... What's cold? It doesn't mean an argument or whatsoever..It just means stop showing affection. It's hard to break the ice in situation as such.. It takes two hands to clap. Numbness is the feeling I wish I'll have.. if this is to continue..
So what if we know they love us? It's not enough. Love needs to be expressed. For a fact, Love is not just about saying. But I realised.. it's also getting lesser that he even bothers to express it verbally. I thought there's a time to it according to what he said..but the time never seems to come. "It's gonna be special soon" He said. When is that 'special time" coming? Sigh. Not even my birthday is the special time. I really wonder.. when will it be then? Sigh.
Everytime a call is made by me to him, I don't feel happy when I'm supposed to be in joy to call someone I love. Everytime I put in hopes again and again even when I got the feeling it's gonna be the same. Everytime it really is still the same. The call don't end well. It's so one-sided. And I really can't help feeling so hurt in my heart after ending the call(sort of like hanging up phone).. But, I don't know why I have to torture myself to make an effort to call him time after time.. Perhaps missing him is the motivation. But it won't be of too long that this motivation will cease to make me call him again if I don't have a special motivation from him..that he really feels so happy to hear my voice..really wants this talk so much..really cherish even it's just a 5 minutes talk. All I receive is that kind of atmosphere whereby I feel he's hinting "I wanna sleep I wanna sleep.. hang up soon hang up soon.." It's like this voice is telling me within my heart when he don't actually verbally said it. Perhaps he don't feel bad.. but I do. I'm the giver.. it don't feel good when I give and it's like not appreciated. Oh well, I just hope I can be an all time taker to only take but not give as from now.. It sucks to be giving and giving and nobody gives a damn about it.
Unfortunately, I'm such a princess which only seems to demand more and more things.. You're just unlucky to have me being like this. But I think I'm also unfortunate having to tolerate all these unacceptable stuffs for this long.. Don't you think so? Sigh. I just feel really bad. It's like back to the same thing... Don't tell give me things like "I'll try to arrange" as an excuse anymore. I know I'll accept thing as it is.. but just don't remind me anymore. I hate these words coming without a sincere heart to even try to the maximum..seriously, I don't see it, feel it, sense it so much like you REALLY TRY SO HARD. I accept doesn't mean I agree.. I accept and tolerate your behaviour; it doesn't mean I have to take everything you do as a right thing.. And accepting a thing don't last for long if I don't really agree to it.. Unless you make me convinced, I'll never be able to give you all the time that you want to really do your so-called "try".. hais.
I feel I try harder than you do.. Isn't it? I can't wait; I'm so impatient already.. Cuz' you're testing my limit knowingly or unknowingly..
signed off`