`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Guess what?! monday, wednesday, and today..Dear was with me. Of course not whole day, but at least I can see that he's making an effort to come and see me. Monday, I went to his place. Wednesday, he met me up for a drink or something(I was angry but was fine after that =p). Today, he came down to KK to meet me, after that I sent him to cck to teach guitar. Actually it's a happy thing right? But, I feel this week is like a dream or what.. he's really loving. Busy days for him are over but all those days whichby I get to meet him, it was definitely special and significant to me. Hopefully, he'll not forget how to maintain our relationship during busy days in future?..
Other than happy stuffs, I have my worries. Dear said I should not worry cuz' nothing will happen. But still, it is hard to control myself not to worry. I lost track of my period's dates cuz I'm super short term memory kind of person. Even though, we REALLY did nothing *truly innocent*, I worry that accidents can happen because of my reckless act? It's a long story anyways, but we really did not do something so impure. Well, dear asked me to always tell him whenever my period starts, so that he'll remember for me as from now on.. God! don't let any accidents happen! Amen Amen!
After I saw *her* having to go through the slow killing of the foetus, I am super scare that I have to face the same thing. I love children, but I know I'm not ready definitely. So, if I have to take it away, I will surely be super depressed and stressed. First, I hate any kind of imperfection in my life. Abortion is something which shouldn't happen to me because I know I can't accept such *major* imperfection. Second, I don't wanna take away life. It's something which I super dote at the same time. My OWN flesh. Third, it's a painful process and may cause future infertility!? I can't take pain! SO, I will surely cry until siao one. Anyways, the total cost of abortion in Singapore in a C-Class Ward at KK is about $480 after subsidises. It ain't as costly as we all expected, but it's definitely a waste of money. Sigh. Dear said something which may be a joke but it impacted me in one way or another "$480? So cheap, it won't be a problem!" I mean obviously he was just playing a fool today. He had been playing a fool with me in KK's delifrance for the few hours. I'm comforted by him, but also sort of scared after all those "sadist jokes" as it seems..
Oh well, I wanna pray hard that nothing bad will befall me! Let my menses come asap so that my heart will be at ease. I don't wanna be stressed cuz' it'll lead to late menstruation as well. BUT, I can't seem to help it ahs. I see that there're many reasons to convince me that I won't kanna, but I still look at the "negative" side alil. I mean, you never know right? Sigh. Alright, I'll just keep praying then.. tatas!
signed off`
Other than happy stuffs, I have my worries. Dear said I should not worry cuz' nothing will happen. But still, it is hard to control myself not to worry. I lost track of my period's dates cuz I'm super short term memory kind of person. Even though, we REALLY did nothing *truly innocent*, I worry that accidents can happen because of my reckless act? It's a long story anyways, but we really did not do something so impure. Well, dear asked me to always tell him whenever my period starts, so that he'll remember for me as from now on.. God! don't let any accidents happen! Amen Amen!
After I saw *her* having to go through the slow killing of the foetus, I am super scare that I have to face the same thing. I love children, but I know I'm not ready definitely. So, if I have to take it away, I will surely be super depressed and stressed. First, I hate any kind of imperfection in my life. Abortion is something which shouldn't happen to me because I know I can't accept such *major* imperfection. Second, I don't wanna take away life. It's something which I super dote at the same time. My OWN flesh. Third, it's a painful process and may cause future infertility!? I can't take pain! SO, I will surely cry until siao one. Anyways, the total cost of abortion in Singapore in a C-Class Ward at KK is about $480 after subsidises. It ain't as costly as we all expected, but it's definitely a waste of money. Sigh. Dear said something which may be a joke but it impacted me in one way or another "$480? So cheap, it won't be a problem!" I mean obviously he was just playing a fool today. He had been playing a fool with me in KK's delifrance for the few hours. I'm comforted by him, but also sort of scared after all those "sadist jokes" as it seems..
Oh well, I wanna pray hard that nothing bad will befall me! Let my menses come asap so that my heart will be at ease. I don't wanna be stressed cuz' it'll lead to late menstruation as well. BUT, I can't seem to help it ahs. I see that there're many reasons to convince me that I won't kanna, but I still look at the "negative" side alil. I mean, you never know right? Sigh. Alright, I'll just keep praying then.. tatas!
signed off`