`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Friday, March 31, 2006
I'm so lost but I don't know why.. I'm happy for things seem alright yet I'm not truly happy. In my heart, there're still doubts which are better left unsaid. Cuz' there won't be any answers either. And frankly speaking, I am not sure of those doubts as well.. I just feel some uncertainty and unwillingness in me..
It should something joyous when he can get back to the worship team while the talk with Angela seems quite smooth.. But, after this talk, something is amiss again. I was thinking that maybe it'll be better off without a talk. Even though he won't be back to the team if there isn't any talk, at least I won't feel something different again..
I seem that I have nothing much to talk with him in sms. I no longer sound so enthusiastic like last time. Somehow, it isn't appropriate and normal to be like last time anymore..because he said "we shouldn't be too normal"..which I agree. But, deep in my heart, I can't seem to have immediate effect of what he expected of us as there are still desires of my heart and soul. Being normal musn't be common? What's normal? and what's not normal? I don't know.. Recalling back, I was still perfectly fine yesterday night as I talked with him. Today, right after he asked me to call him to tell me what Angela said, things just felt different all the way till now.. I was speechless all the way till now.. I seem to have nothing much to comment when I should be rather happy that nothing bad befall any of us.. I am selfish am I right? Or rather I should use "evil" this word.. =(
Even if we can spoil ourselves on every 26th, even if you help me through, even if you allow me to take my time, even if everything is so fine so good currently, even if you're back to the team, even if you will continue to stand by me to encourage me, even if you can understand me, even if you can ..i don't know.. , thing still seem so blunt to me. I am the demanding princess remember?..Now, I truly see myself even clearer. To me, everything isn't colourful anymore.. It's just some misty greyish not fully black.
Bad thing, I'm not a good actress. I can't hide myself to be happy when I'm not. I wanted to bring out the best in me infront of you, to be happy for you in everything you do..but I realised I can't. I'm trying to happy, but look.. you caught me right straight. You know I wasn't happy.. and I know there's nothing much you can do. I can only cope it myself with God's strength. Holy Spirit will be my best friend ba..I think.. =/
If given a choice, I won't want to meet you so early..to save some troubles. If I have a 2nd choice, maybe I will choose not to meet you at all. If given a 3rd choice, I want God to put me somewhere else, in another part of the world.. Well, obviously there won't be any choices cuz' God plans them all right in the beginning. Surely there is a purpose for everything, but I just want to rid all the black clouds of my life for now..
signed off`
It should something joyous when he can get back to the worship team while the talk with Angela seems quite smooth.. But, after this talk, something is amiss again. I was thinking that maybe it'll be better off without a talk. Even though he won't be back to the team if there isn't any talk, at least I won't feel something different again..
I seem that I have nothing much to talk with him in sms. I no longer sound so enthusiastic like last time. Somehow, it isn't appropriate and normal to be like last time anymore..because he said "we shouldn't be too normal"..which I agree. But, deep in my heart, I can't seem to have immediate effect of what he expected of us as there are still desires of my heart and soul. Being normal musn't be common? What's normal? and what's not normal? I don't know.. Recalling back, I was still perfectly fine yesterday night as I talked with him. Today, right after he asked me to call him to tell me what Angela said, things just felt different all the way till now.. I was speechless all the way till now.. I seem to have nothing much to comment when I should be rather happy that nothing bad befall any of us.. I am selfish am I right? Or rather I should use "evil" this word.. =(
Even if we can spoil ourselves on every 26th, even if you help me through, even if you allow me to take my time, even if everything is so fine so good currently, even if you're back to the team, even if you will continue to stand by me to encourage me, even if you can understand me, even if you can ..i don't know.. , thing still seem so blunt to me. I am the demanding princess remember?..Now, I truly see myself even clearer. To me, everything isn't colourful anymore.. It's just some misty greyish not fully black.
Bad thing, I'm not a good actress. I can't hide myself to be happy when I'm not. I wanted to bring out the best in me infront of you, to be happy for you in everything you do..but I realised I can't. I'm trying to happy, but look.. you caught me right straight. You know I wasn't happy.. and I know there's nothing much you can do. I can only cope it myself with God's strength. Holy Spirit will be my best friend ba..I think.. =/
If given a choice, I won't want to meet you so early..to save some troubles. If I have a 2nd choice, maybe I will choose not to meet you at all. If given a 3rd choice, I want God to put me somewhere else, in another part of the world.. Well, obviously there won't be any choices cuz' God plans them all right in the beginning. Surely there is a purpose for everything, but I just want to rid all the black clouds of my life for now..
signed off`