`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Sighs. I am so sinful. I really am.. and I feel super bad. But, actually I also don't know where have I went wrong. I wanna seek God and ask Him where can I improve and come before Him to repent. =(
What's going on in my life now? I mean it looks pretty fine, yet I feel I'm lacking something in me. It's something so important that can help me understand people better and myself better.. BUT, I really do not what is it. I can't even describe what am I lacking.. sighs.
Seek and I shall find..Dear Lord Father, please answer to my prayer.
I think I am not leading a blameless life anymore. I blame everything, I blame people, I blame myself. God doesn't want such a life in me. I knew very clearly that this isn't pleasing to Him, but I just don't know how to change and make myself feel better.
Seriously, in this friendship problem I'm facing now.. is it because I'm fearing for her that something bad may befall her? or that I'm jealous of her current life? and therefore I became agressive? =( I really don't know.. I know blames are shared. There must be something wrong which she had done and thus caused things to end up in this state, however, I feel I'm no longer blameless in this friendship. I'm blaming everything.. I'm prideful.. I'm stubborn.. and I just don't feel like talking to her because of *I don't know what's happening in me*.. I feel negative about everything in her and the situation.. I feel that she was a hyprocrite like many of them out there, but this feeling is diminishing.. Thank God for this. I am so sinful..evil..wicked.. Satan caught me straight.. he must be super happy right now.
Guitar has been my rival for one person. Everything about his passion finally made me dislike his passion.. True enough, because of guitar, he sacrifices alot of time, money, and attention away from me. I encouraged him in whatever guitar stuffs he wanna do, but it's getting lesser isn't it? Although I did not stop him from doing things, in my heart I feel so bad sometimes. It is because of all the stacked-up bad feelings which I've been feeling, I hadn't been encouraging him much enough. On the other hand, undeniably, it is also of his "ego" & "pride" of seeking human's glory in guitar which made me lecture him that he did not have a breakthrough in guitar anymore. Cuz' God is no longer the one he is playing to..but people. I told him, he reflected.. but because of all the confusing thoughts in his mind, everything doesn't has a conclusion. In the end, I flared up once again today*don't know is it because of moodswing from pms or that i really do mind alot*... I can't stand people forgetting what I've said. It just goes to show how lightly you take my words.. How forgetful can you get if you have the effort to recall or even seek help like ask for hints? rather than "oh sorry i really forgot"...?? Yar, you forgot and can't you be bothered to ask? It just shows.. whether you care about what I mentioned. Small lil things count.. it's even more important than great things which you can possibly do. I don't deny, I am really blaming him for this.. and I'm also blaming myself for this.. for making a big fuss over it. I already told myself that I don't want to stir up his mood before he meets her tomorrow..yet, I really can't help it.. I can't hold my unhappiness. The only thing I can do now is to end the conversation so abruptly and let him prepare his heart?... It's really bad for me..cuz' I'm one who doesn't like procrastination. I hate the process of waiting in sorrow, but for tomorrow's sake..maybe this is the best choice. Can I withstand from temptations of not messaging him any longer tonight? I don't know.. but I really am trying.. Sighs. Tell me God..what should I do to improve the situation.. Help me to be blameless in everything I do.. Help him understand what's going on and understand my heart. Help us to overcome this small trial once again.. Help us Help us Lord! Sighs. Teach me to be a Godly lady that will be pleasing to You.. I'm learning but it seems that I can't find myself anymore.. Something is missing, can You fill it up for me? Sobs. =(
Is it my fault to bring up the matter of him being a promise breaker ? He promised and he forgot.. and he don't even know what he forgot. I asked questions out of concerns, but he said he forgot my questions as well. After that, he doesn't seem to understand me any longer.. he talks about other things which makes sense to me but is not relevant. He drifted away subconsciously again? Sighs. He's being self-centered unknowingly again.. We were talking about it yesterday; it was a great chat. But... maybe I am also self seeking in my ways.. Help me to realise my mistake oh God. sighs. Help him to know his as well. I really wish I am blameless in everything I do, but everything seems to have a SHORT limit ever since don't know when. My tolerance and patience are running out. I am no longer the understanding princess whom everyone know.. My sinful nature is working in me so secretly that I don't even know until today.
='( Perhaps.. the best way is to leave it. Leave it..
signed off`
What's going on in my life now? I mean it looks pretty fine, yet I feel I'm lacking something in me. It's something so important that can help me understand people better and myself better.. BUT, I really do not what is it. I can't even describe what am I lacking.. sighs.
Seek and I shall find..Dear Lord Father, please answer to my prayer.
I think I am not leading a blameless life anymore. I blame everything, I blame people, I blame myself. God doesn't want such a life in me. I knew very clearly that this isn't pleasing to Him, but I just don't know how to change and make myself feel better.
Seriously, in this friendship problem I'm facing now.. is it because I'm fearing for her that something bad may befall her? or that I'm jealous of her current life? and therefore I became agressive? =( I really don't know.. I know blames are shared. There must be something wrong which she had done and thus caused things to end up in this state, however, I feel I'm no longer blameless in this friendship. I'm blaming everything.. I'm prideful.. I'm stubborn.. and I just don't feel like talking to her because of *I don't know what's happening in me*.. I feel negative about everything in her and the situation.. I feel that she was a hyprocrite like many of them out there, but this feeling is diminishing.. Thank God for this. I am so sinful..evil..wicked.. Satan caught me straight.. he must be super happy right now.
Guitar has been my rival for one person. Everything about his passion finally made me dislike his passion.. True enough, because of guitar, he sacrifices alot of time, money, and attention away from me. I encouraged him in whatever guitar stuffs he wanna do, but it's getting lesser isn't it? Although I did not stop him from doing things, in my heart I feel so bad sometimes. It is because of all the stacked-up bad feelings which I've been feeling, I hadn't been encouraging him much enough. On the other hand, undeniably, it is also of his "ego" & "pride" of seeking human's glory in guitar which made me lecture him that he did not have a breakthrough in guitar anymore. Cuz' God is no longer the one he is playing to..but people. I told him, he reflected.. but because of all the confusing thoughts in his mind, everything doesn't has a conclusion. In the end, I flared up once again today*don't know is it because of moodswing from pms or that i really do mind alot*... I can't stand people forgetting what I've said. It just goes to show how lightly you take my words.. How forgetful can you get if you have the effort to recall or even seek help like ask for hints? rather than "oh sorry i really forgot"...?? Yar, you forgot and can't you be bothered to ask? It just shows.. whether you care about what I mentioned. Small lil things count.. it's even more important than great things which you can possibly do. I don't deny, I am really blaming him for this.. and I'm also blaming myself for this.. for making a big fuss over it. I already told myself that I don't want to stir up his mood before he meets her tomorrow..yet, I really can't help it.. I can't hold my unhappiness. The only thing I can do now is to end the conversation so abruptly and let him prepare his heart?... It's really bad for me..cuz' I'm one who doesn't like procrastination. I hate the process of waiting in sorrow, but for tomorrow's sake..maybe this is the best choice. Can I withstand from temptations of not messaging him any longer tonight? I don't know.. but I really am trying.. Sighs. Tell me God..what should I do to improve the situation.. Help me to be blameless in everything I do.. Help him understand what's going on and understand my heart. Help us to overcome this small trial once again.. Help us Help us Lord! Sighs. Teach me to be a Godly lady that will be pleasing to You.. I'm learning but it seems that I can't find myself anymore.. Something is missing, can You fill it up for me? Sobs. =(
Is it my fault to bring up the matter of him being a promise breaker ? He promised and he forgot.. and he don't even know what he forgot. I asked questions out of concerns, but he said he forgot my questions as well. After that, he doesn't seem to understand me any longer.. he talks about other things which makes sense to me but is not relevant. He drifted away subconsciously again? Sighs. He's being self-centered unknowingly again.. We were talking about it yesterday; it was a great chat. But... maybe I am also self seeking in my ways.. Help me to realise my mistake oh God. sighs. Help him to know his as well. I really wish I am blameless in everything I do, but everything seems to have a SHORT limit ever since don't know when. My tolerance and patience are running out. I am no longer the understanding princess whom everyone know.. My sinful nature is working in me so secretly that I don't even know until today.
='( Perhaps.. the best way is to leave it. Leave it..
signed off`