`aisya
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
`anthony
`brenna
`chiasin
`daniel tan
`filly
`freddie
`gloria
`hubert
`huiqing
`ivan
`jieying
`joanne lee
`jowell
`joyce see
`junjie
`kangsheng
`kezia
`kwangwei
`lianhong
`leepeng
`marcus
`maureen
`pamela
`reeve
`ruikun
`sharon
`sherlyn
`thena
`wee cheong
`weimin
`xinyi
`xinyue
`yichang
Sunday, October 22, 2006
for the past 1 week, i undergo some guilt feelings and show signs of unfaithfulness. it's not that i am going for another guy or what, i just simply show no interest in the relationship as days passed by.. i struggled to type my daily message to sotong from time to time. i just felt as though i'm living a single lifestyle cuz' of the fulfilling week before school started as well as my several nightlife with some guy friends till late late.. it;s only when i realised that i don't even wanna say 'imissyou' to my dearest, i started feeling really guilty of myself. i don't know what's wrong with me? but, i just felt in my heart that i seemed to have drifted apart from sotong alot alot.. especially the whole week when we totally couldn't contact at all. i even felt that life without him would be fine as well.
the day when he came back from camp, he messaged me to call him back so anxiously..but i did not take notice of my hp cuz' i was at some bar with elijah. i didn't expect his call at all. all i had in mind was "sotong is coming back on friday and i'll probably meet him that day". but never did i go think about his night call on thursday night itself. i don't seem to be very awaited for his call and all that. well, he called.. and i couldn't really talk to him properly. i mean.. in my heart.. i also felt that i'd nothing much to talk about. i sensed that he was feeling upset with me and perhaps also that the camp was really a disastrous experience for him. but i couldn't seem to find any words to comfort him. we ended the call so normally..what i meant is..it was really too unlike us somehow. it's totally different from the normal end-off conversation. sigh. and i knew that sotong was hurt by me.
he messaged me 2 FULL messages telling me that he was so upset cuz' he felt as though he has lost contact with me and fearing to lose me and all that. guess what? i was really so cruel i guess. i replied in less than full page message to tell him to not be so sad(though it may be useless), and that he should go to sleep cuz' i don't wanna see him being confined(they ain't allow to use hp once light is out). he sounded really depressed. he replied me 'hai. ok.' i am really so guilt striken, but other than that.. i still don't feel that i really miss and love him as much as i should be, also not really looking forward to seeing him the next day. but, after i reached home, it's really amazing that i started to think of him and started my lil missing-ish feeling for this dear of mine. i sent out my last message and went to bed afterwhich.
the day we met.. i won't say it started off so well. it's obviously not his fault cuz' all those happened without us being able to control it. in his car, we really talked alot. i told him frankly what i was feeling.. and he told me his. he said that he really really stayed so committed now. he would be so upset if he lose me now. and then i went asking alot of 'if's questions. i would say it's a good talk to make me feel so much back for him. after that, the situation was turned around.. we started to feel happy in each other presence. i don't know what to say. but in his eyes.. i know that i'm really important to him somehow somewhat. taking me away will probably turn his world upside down. it's really hard to come by a good partner.. i wanna cherish it as much as i can. hopefully, i will start to do what i should do as from now on? i don't know.. like i told him 'i've been trained to be strong without him cuz' of our past experience with one another.' i feel that it is b'cuz all those things which he used to tell me that make me change into a certain person gradually, that includes being not so cling onto him and being xiao sa(how do i say it in layman term?) in everything i do if it's gotta do with him. so, i need time to get back how much i've been putting in for him like how i was used to be.
definitely, i enjoyed my time with him yesterday..and also today. first time i spent my whole day with him at his place?? with his mum and dad at home, it is indeed a rare meet-up as such. i'm feeling so much like i've already been added into this family.. having the sense of belonging as time goes by. yep.. i hope for many more happy days to come by. God bless us..
i'll stop here. tata!
the day when he came back from camp, he messaged me to call him back so anxiously..but i did not take notice of my hp cuz' i was at some bar with elijah. i didn't expect his call at all. all i had in mind was "sotong is coming back on friday and i'll probably meet him that day". but never did i go think about his night call on thursday night itself. i don't seem to be very awaited for his call and all that. well, he called.. and i couldn't really talk to him properly. i mean.. in my heart.. i also felt that i'd nothing much to talk about. i sensed that he was feeling upset with me and perhaps also that the camp was really a disastrous experience for him. but i couldn't seem to find any words to comfort him. we ended the call so normally..what i meant is..it was really too unlike us somehow. it's totally different from the normal end-off conversation. sigh. and i knew that sotong was hurt by me.
he messaged me 2 FULL messages telling me that he was so upset cuz' he felt as though he has lost contact with me and fearing to lose me and all that. guess what? i was really so cruel i guess. i replied in less than full page message to tell him to not be so sad(though it may be useless), and that he should go to sleep cuz' i don't wanna see him being confined(they ain't allow to use hp once light is out). he sounded really depressed. he replied me 'hai. ok.' i am really so guilt striken, but other than that.. i still don't feel that i really miss and love him as much as i should be, also not really looking forward to seeing him the next day. but, after i reached home, it's really amazing that i started to think of him and started my lil missing-ish feeling for this dear of mine. i sent out my last message and went to bed afterwhich.
the day we met.. i won't say it started off so well. it's obviously not his fault cuz' all those happened without us being able to control it. in his car, we really talked alot. i told him frankly what i was feeling.. and he told me his. he said that he really really stayed so committed now. he would be so upset if he lose me now. and then i went asking alot of 'if's questions. i would say it's a good talk to make me feel so much back for him. after that, the situation was turned around.. we started to feel happy in each other presence. i don't know what to say. but in his eyes.. i know that i'm really important to him somehow somewhat. taking me away will probably turn his world upside down. it's really hard to come by a good partner.. i wanna cherish it as much as i can. hopefully, i will start to do what i should do as from now on? i don't know.. like i told him 'i've been trained to be strong without him cuz' of our past experience with one another.' i feel that it is b'cuz all those things which he used to tell me that make me change into a certain person gradually, that includes being not so cling onto him and being xiao sa(how do i say it in layman term?) in everything i do if it's gotta do with him. so, i need time to get back how much i've been putting in for him like how i was used to be.
definitely, i enjoyed my time with him yesterday..and also today. first time i spent my whole day with him at his place?? with his mum and dad at home, it is indeed a rare meet-up as such. i'm feeling so much like i've already been added into this family.. having the sense of belonging as time goes by. yep.. i hope for many more happy days to come by. God bless us..
i'll stop here. tata!