I haven been posting for a long time. So long till my dearie can count how little post i have made. Drained by army life, time taken away by army life, plus when i finally book out, i can only have dar dar on my mind. Secondary is parents. And rarely had the chance to come online. But thank God all these are over for the moment as i have a week of block leave as i am waiting for army to
give me my new posting. This week is meant to spend with dear dear, but i think just last friday
night, i began to feel feverish.

I remembered on sat evening after my guitar lesson, i already feel so feverish and cold, but yet i
still went to buy one of the chocolates she told me its not bad lately, and got a card for her, and only ate bread and hotdog and rushed over to dear's house to see her. When i finally got there, my body finally cannot take it anymore, i broke down into high fever. Dearie kept flipping towel on my forehead, cheeks and neck for me for an hour or more till my fever went down. During that time, i teared for 2 reasons - 1) I haven had fever for such a long time, and i realie felt terrible till i jux teared. 2) I felt dear so loving towards me, haven had tat kind of caring feeling for such a long time already. Thanks dearie!

Just yesterday night, darling came to visit me right after her school work. She cabbed down to rush over. I was so looking forward to her coming, all i wanted is accompany her with the simple dinner my mom had prepared for her, let her eat her favourite ice cream, and after that to watch chinese drama vcd together with her. But everything seems to change after she ate the bowl of noodles. She just sat at the sofa looking very listless. I realie dunno wad to do then, so i ask her what happen, but she sae she dun like playing a one man show. i mean i was realie sick and lethagic and i think i mux have look "un-enthu" and "sian"..but that wasn't what i supposed to meant. Sighs! i realie didn't know she still had fever cox she told me she somehow recovered and feeling better? i thought its only the first 3 days she felt terrible but after tt should feel better already.

Hai, if i had knowned, despite me feeling realie terrible, i would go all out to make her feel good. i am sure dear knows i would realie do that. Now another issue came up, dearie think she's being a trouble maker to me and my parents. i think there's some miscommunication again. Basically i noe my parents very well. Yesterdae night it was already slightly after 10pm plus already. But darling keep tell me she can go home by herself. And i did told my parents that already. But then out of good will. They keep offering to fetch. but wad i think sparkle some fire is because
dear thinks she is being chased off like tat which is not the case. i believe if my parents offer to fetch dear home at 11plus or later, i think she would not feel this way anymore. And besides i think darling haven realie finish finalising her script yet, den my dad like keep pushing her to go home, and that is wad irritates her. but over the years, my dad pattern is like this de, he wants everything chop chop, from wad i infer:

My dad's idea is to fetch her home at 10pm,
den by the time reach dear's place, it would be around 1030pm.
And it takes 30mins to drive back home, thus it will be 11pm then.
When reach home, he wants to take a bath, do a little work and sleep before midnight comes.

Thus, my conclusion is that if he doesn't send her home by 10pm yesterday, means his
schedule will be alittle off already, my dad is a very inflexible and fixed kind of fella. And i can
understand how darling feels cox i have been feeling and going thru this nonsense of this for
20 years already.

i noe it doesn;t feel good, but i realie hope it can lift off some misunderstanding.

Hais, i realie dunno wad to do, dunno issit i unlucky, get fever at the wrong time and there goes
my fucking weekend. A weekend meant to enjoy with her, but yet now i am the one who screwed everything up. this week so many things i wanna do with her. I got all the preparations and all the stuffs needed, i already planned down already. These are one of it. Another is i realie wanna go mache together with her. It has been so long since i had it with her. Fuck the fever lah! damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! hais, i hope she cools down real quick and that we can reconcile soon before i get back to army, its only a few more daes left, i dun wan things to be left like this before i go, i feel terrible, i feel sad, i wanna break down, i had suicider thoughts because i feel i dunno how to handle such stress any longer, i wish if both of us take a step back and not loggerheads with each other already how sweet and nice would it be, just like those in tv shows or movies. sigh.

She says she is not sure of my love for her? sigh. After all i did, she is still not sure. And just because of one unhappy dae, den it becomes not constant le..hais..i think even the most loving couple has their rainy days.

i know words dun help, i noe she with me for so long already, she noes how much i dote on her, how much i love her, how much i am willing to go all out for her despite of my condition, and how much i am willing to change and have changed for the better for her, are all these not elements of love? i am human being, i am not perfect yet, i still time to perfect areas i am not perfect, i cannot do it overnite, but i will do wad i have promised till the end of time.